At that point I realized the true significance of being an adult and having a job; you could buy all the candy you wanted.. I couldn’t wait until I was grown-up. Ooh the candy I would buy. If I could have signed a contract promising all my future earnings in exchange for a lifetime of free gum and candy, I would have. Bazooka Joe would now own me, lock stock, and barrel.

It is common knowledge that children are not mature enough to make important life decisions. That is why they cannot sign contacts or do anything of significance without their parent’s permission or signature. Before the age of 18 they cannot vote, marry, get a credit card, seek medical attention, make a major purchase, buy alcohol or cigarettes, sign a contract, travel, or even get a magazine subscription. All of these things regardless of how large or small, require parental consent or permission. However, children can and do make decisions and take actions everyday which will ultimately determine their future.

Every day children decide whether or not to do drugs. They decide whether or not to work hard in school, or even go to school at all. They make decisions on whether or not to have sex (protected or unprotected), sell drugs or commit other criminal acts. They pick the people they will befriend, date, or otherwise allow into their lives. All of these actions can have dire negative consequences on a child’s future. They are the ones, nevertheless, that will make those decisions. That same child who would have to wait until the age of 18 to get a magazine subscription, can decide to have unprotected sex and become a parent at 14.

What we don’t want is to have a child look to the experience itself to try to determine whether or not the consequences of it will be good or bad. Remember these are, after all, experiences that feel good. It’s not like sticking a needle in your eye. If it were, nobody would do it. Sex feels good to the young teenager, so does getting high, hanging out with your buddies all day clowning and having a good time. These things are certainly more fun than going to school or having to read all of those chapters in preparation for that final exam. Selling drugs and having a pocket full of money, nice cars, jewelry, clothes, and girls is much better than being broke, on the bus, and dateless. It’s a no brainer. The choices they are making, indeed, net them positive results, at least in the short term.

It is these short term positive results that our children think of when they opt for these behaviors They are choosing money, fun, excitement and the euphoric feelings of drugs and sex. But in the long run what they’re actually getting is imprisonment, illiteracy, early parenthood, homelessness, and death. These outcomes are being sold in deceptively tempting packages. We must put the correct labels on the packages so that the kids know what they are really getting, and can make wiser decisions.

We need to help our children make a strong association between their behavior and the negative consequence the behavior brings. If a child associates negative consequences with certain behaviors, it’s the negative consequences the child will think of when considering these behaviors, not the short term positive results. Then when a child considers doing drugs, they won’t perceive it as a good time. They will associate it with being a homeless crack head, selling themselves and their children, walking the streets begging and robbing for the next high. The thought of dropping out of school will automatically conjure up thoughts of joblessness, homelessness and poverty.

Punishment alone is not a long term deterrent to inappropriate behavior. Punishments are external and are only effective while they are being administered. If the only reason the child behaves is to avoid punishment, what happens when you are not around and they believe you will not find out, or after the age when they are no longer being punished? They may, once again, resort to those behaviors. But knowing and internalizing the long term consequence of their actions has a much longer lasting effect on them. Ultimately they need to know and understand that they should do the right thing. It is them, after all, who will ultimately make that final decision as to whether or not to engage in inappropriate behavior.

The best time to make this association is when children are young. When children are taught things at an early age, these things are taken as unquestioned facts and become a part of their belief system. Remember these are the same individuals that believe in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy. The things they learn early in life will continue to be believed unless they are challenged, disproved, or contradicted.

When my children were toddlers I taught them the consequence of certain actions. Long before they understood terms like laws, crimes or jail, I told them that if they were bad when they were grown up certain things would happen. The police would make them live in a little cage like an animal, and they wouldn’t be able to take any toys in there with them or come home and see me and their sister/brother. They also knew long before starting school that drugs are poison and can make you sick and you could die from them. My personal favorite was that if they did not do well in school, they would have to live under the freeway overpass.

All of these statements are simple enough for even the youngest child to understand. And what’s more, they are all true. As the child ages, the conversations should be adjusted to make them more age appropriate. The actual book has sample conversations to have with your child at different ages to reinforce your teachings. Both of my children strive to do their best in school and avoid smoking, drinking, and drugs because of this very effective practice.

When a child anticipates the negative consequence of inappropriate behavior, they will ultimately make better choices.